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Birgit Fehst Relationships and other matters of the heart
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Conscious uncoupling

Relationships have changed more in the past 50 years than in the 500 years before. Often times the “happily ever after” exists only in fairy tales. Marriages that last 30 years or longer are rare. Divorce and separation are very common nowadays. And sometimes indeed the better option. But I can assure you: you don’t need to feel like the woman in the picture….

Are you already divorced/separated?

“Conscious Uncoupling” is a common term in the USA. And as having a good relationship is a skill, so is a separation that doesn’t end in chaos. And where children are involved, it is not a skill anymore, but a highly complicated procedure. Often resentment, grudge and past hurts make the formerly happy couple archenemies. The fight for the kids and money destroys every bit of intelligence that was left, the area in our brains that warns from dangers is on high alert. Everything that once went well is deleted and out of the memory zone. If you have come that far already yet you have to stay connected due to your common children, do something! Don’t let them suffer too!

Or aren’t you yet separated but plan to do it?

You would like to face each other on eye level, you want to avoid the war described in the last paragraph. You want to separate in peace and still be able to have a coffee together afterwards. I congratulate you for the decision to get support. Sometimes our blind spots stop us from doing the right thing and we need help from outside.

How can I support you?

We will see to it that you don’t fall into the common separation traps that lead to grief and loss and event prevent future happiness. You will step into self-responsibility and are able to give the other one space and understanding. You are able to make the separation a process that doesn’t end in trauma. You can stay whole and heal and learn from the experience. Separation is an option that is not always bad. If the process is a respectful one, everything will be fine. We will make it a respectful one…