Professional help when your relationship is at stake
What everybody wants from a relationship is a home, a home to share with your best friend, a person you can laugh and cry with; a person you can share your dreams with, with whom you have a common vision; and the best sex in the world, of course.
As you are reading these lines you probably don’t have that anymore with your partner. Maybe you are even thinking about a separation/divorce. Or at least you are at a point where enough is enough and you can’t continue like that. You might be afraid that the situation could escalate. And therefore you are looking for a couples therapist and wonder if my private practice for relationships and other matters of the heart is the right one for you.
My name is Birgit Fehst and I will turn 50 next year. In my mid 30s I had one burning question: How does “relationships” work? And how do you find out better than by becoming a couples therapist… And, boy, what a journey! I have seen so much laughing, crying, I have tried out the theories of the leading experts in the field and sometimes wondered why they were suggesting such weird things. But one thing always makes my heart sing: the shining eyes when a relationship is back to being appreciative, full of love and happy. Do I have all the answers? No. Do I think there is even an “all the answers”? No. But I would love to find yours with you…
· What can we expect when we come for a couples therapy to your office?
I will help you to be happy again with your partner. We lay the groundwork for a good, strong, lively relationship full of love, passion and the feeling of security. The result will transform your life as it transforms your relationship. And as you can get that as soon as you get, I offer regular 90 minute sessions AND power sessions and even power days. Those days work in a way that often times once is enough to get you back on track. Which form you choose is up to you. If you wish, I can advice you what is best in your case!
· What are the most common reasons for a couples therapy?
From experience I can say there are three main reasons for a couples therapy: infidelity, no sex anymore, or a vicious circle of endless fights and discussions that lead to nothing. They cannot communicate anymore without fighting. However, the missing or bad communication is not the reason for the relationship crisis, it is rather the main symptom of the original problem. To find out what the root cause will then be teamwork of the three of us.
· Ho do we proceed in the couples counselling sessions?
We look for the source of your problem and at the same time change your way of communicating which will help you avoid future conflicts. That combination makes you feel more safe and secure with your partner again. Your needs are taken care of and your relationship can be as loving and appreciative as it was meant to be.
· How long does the therapy take?
That depends. Most couples have a new code of conduct and a much better feeling after as few as 3-5 sessions. Some prefer a longer duration of counselling as it may feel better and more secure. There is no minimum number of sessions.
· Why should we see you and not a colleague of yours?
There are wonderful colleagues in Berlin for couples counselling. So I don’t claim to be the only one who can help you. And everyone has his own strengths. Mine are: my international trainings and- my mix of methods. There is not only one way to live and to love. Therefore there isn’t one approach that fits all. Your advantage is clear: an encompassing, systemic way of working supports you more than a single method can ever do, even in marriage counselling.
For example, I integrate the work of John Gottman in my sessions. He studied thousands of couples in his „Love Lab“ and empirically found the principles for a good marriage. That enables me to give a pretty precise prognosis for the couple in front of me and also gives me the tools for seeing very quickly what they need in order to thrive. And: the couples who did counselling based on his principles are half as likely to fail again! What is your benefit? A scientifically based method that works just wonderfully!
Another teacher of mine is David Schnarch. How can you benefit from his findings? He gives you back your power to act! He transforms the feeling of helplessness into the feeling of self-responsibility and the ability to actively change the situation. His „Crucible Couples and Sexual Therapy“ thus is a completely different approach in comparison to most couple therapy methods.
And last but not least I am a hypnotherapist and also work with highly effective methods such as EMDR, EFT and tools from modern neuroscience. If one of you has an issue that doesn’t originate from the couples dynamics but still has a strong effect on the relationship (such as extreme jealousy, anxiety or addictions), we can in addition work individually as well. For more information go here.
If I wasn’t able to answer all of your questions in this brief overview, don’t hesitate to contact me. If everything is clear, let’s go for it! If you want, we can have a 15 minute intense initial talk on the telephone. Or we start right away with a first session. I don’t have a minimum number of sessions required, it is up to you if you want to continue after that first meeting. However, even then you will never leave the office without first results.
My private practice for relationships and other matters of the heart is downtown west in Charlottenburg, and can also be reached easily if you are from other parts of the city like Mitte, Steglitz, Spandau or Prenzlauer Berg, either by public transportation (U7/U2/S-Bahn Charlottenburg) or by car (parking garage of the „Wilmersdorfer Arkaden“ in short walking distance).
Call me: 030-854 01770, or use the contact form. I am looking forward to working with you soon!