Couples Therapy in Berlin Helps
Help Through
Couples Therapy
Couples therapist Birgit Fehst gives insights into couples therapy at Deutsche Welle (shortened TV report).
Reasons for
CouplesTherapy
✓ Transition from being a couple to being parents
✓ Constant fighting
✓ Lack of communication
✓ Frequent disappointments
✓ Many hurts
✓ Conflict resolution
✓ Little understanding of each other
✓ Not being seen
✓ Feeling constantly criticized
✓ Lack of trust
✓ Different needs
✓ Sexual reluctance/ dissatisfaction
✓ Affairs
✓ Separation support
The list of reasons for couple therapy is by no means complete, but it gives an idea of what most couples struggle with. I think you will recognize yourself in one or two of these points.
"The quality of your life is only as good as the quality of your relationships," says Esther Perel, one of the most well known experts in international couples therapy. As a result, many people not only have relationship problems, but also suffer from psychosomatic and psychological symptoms, anxiety or depression. Heartache and relationship frustration are serious and can make life really difficult. Act now, not when it's too late. Interested in couples therapy? Let's talk about it!
Benefits of Couples Counselling
Couples counselling can help you improve not only your relationship, but also your overall quality of life. But why do you need outside help, why can't you work things out on your own? You are not mentally ill and in need of therapy! That's right, the term "therapy" is actually a bit misleading, because it's all about the interaction between the two of you, not about disorders of a pathological nature.
We are more like "couple teachers" or "couple counselors", „relationship coaches“ or „relationship trainers“ would be just as appropriate. We as therapists too have had to learn how relationships work. And we share that knowledge in our therapy sessions.
Many conflicts and dynamics are repetitive. They are part of human nature.
Experts in couple therapy have gotten to the bottom of these conflicts and developed methods to resolve them. You will be given tools to work with every day at home. And you will be given tools to help you understand each other better. You are both individuals with different personality styles, different views, different needs, and different values.
If you are truly willing to fully understand and accept each other, it will be much easier for both of you to find solutions to your problems. According to John Gottman, 69% of conflicts are not simply "yes/no" solutions, but are based on these different views or needs. In my practice in Berlin-Charlottenburg, I will show you how to deal with these more harmoniously. If you're from out of town and would prefer an online consultation instead of a face-to-face session in Berlin, that's no problem. It works just as well. If you would like to know more, please have a look at this page.
The course of CouplesTherapy
You can make an appointment through Doctolib, write to me using the contact form, send me an email, or give me a call. I will get back to you as soon as possible and we will make an initial appointment for 60 minutes.
I do not offer free trial sessions. However, if within the first half hour of the first session you/we realize that working together is not a good fit, you can cancel at no charge. There is no minimum or maximum number of appointments for couples counseling. You decide how often and for how long you want to work with me.
Most people work with me between three and ten times. However, there are couples that I see only once or twice because they just need a boost. And there are couples who come to my office for a regular check up over several years. You also have the option of booking intensive sessions of 90, 120 or 180 minutes, or even a full Couples Therapy Power Day in Berlin. I have clients from all over Germany and abroad who are happy to take advantage of this opportunity. You can find more information about the process of couples therapy on this page.
About Birgit Fehst
I work with the tools of Systemic Therapy, Attachment Theory, John Gottman, David Schnarch, Esther Perel, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and other approaches.
Always straightforward, in kind of a pragmatic way, but still with a lot of heart and understanding. In my couples therapy blog, I write about relationships and other matters of the heart. On Instagram and TikTok I give hundreds of thousands of people free tips about attachment styles and relationships. It is all in German, though.
My name is Birgit Fehst, I am 54 years old, have a beautiful couples therapy and relationship counseling practice in Berlin Charlottenburg and look forward to working with you soon, live or online!
Costs of CouplesTherapy
✓ Couple Therapy 60 minutes: 190 €
✓ Couple therapy 60 minutes 5:30 PM or later: 210 €
✓ Emergency appointment the next morning at 8 AM, 90 minutes: 400 €
✓ Couple therapy Power Day: 1500€
As you can see, you can also get an early morning appointment the very next day, even on the weekend. This is an incredible opportunity if you are really in trouble. Please call me directly, if you would like to take advantage of that.
You can pay in cash or by debit or credit card at the end of the session. Please note that there is no charge for canceling or rescheduling any appointment (including first ones) up to 48 hours in advance. After this time, a fee of €150 will be charged as the appointment cannot be rescheduled at such short notice. If you cancel on the same day, the full amount is due.
You are also welcome to book multiple appointments 2 weeks apart to avoid waiting time between sessions. If you are booking through doctolib and only have a limited number of appointments available, please let me know. I will be happy to book them for you.
Unfortunately, couples therapy is not covered by public health insurance. Only private health insurance companies partially cover individual therapy.
Approach to CouplesTherapy
This process is not set in stone, but rather shows typical approaches. Each couple has its own unique challenges, so it may look different for you.
1. What is going wrong in your relationship?
We will look at your specific issues, what you are struggling with in the relationship, and what your goals are. How is it now? What do you want to change? What do you want instead?
2. Interrupt the couple dynamic
It's never just one person's fault. Both of you have contributed to what you want to change. We look at what part each has played and what concrete steps are needed to change. You should both be willing to work together to get the relationship back on track. We really need the commitment of both parties to positively influence the dynamic. Each needs to understand what makes the other tick, what each needs, what the boundaries are, and what each can contribute to the goal.
3. From negative to positive
It is important to break through a dynamic as quickly as possible. It is also important to get tools and be able to use them. But even more important for long-term success is developing a deep understanding of the causes of the hurt. Or the infidelity. Why you don't feel seen. Or why you no longer feel like having sex. Dealing with each other can't get better if you have a constant underlying resentment, no matter what techniques you use. Once we've done that, I'll show you how to work on your relationship on your own for the long term. Sustainability is incredibly important so that you don't end up back in couples therapy in a few years.
Goals of Couples Therapy or Marriage Counseling
✓ Improving communication
It's not about talking a lot. It's about the "how", about listening to each other and really learning to understand each other.
✓ Arguing properly.
Solving conflicts and being able to resolve conflicts in a way that doesn't leave lasting damage needs to be learned.
✓ Expressing needs and setting boundaries
Many people find that difficult, but it must be part of a relationship.
✓ Strengthen the emotional connection.
Sounds tedious, but it is one of the most important things to enjoy being a couple in the long run.
✓ Reuniting as a family.
When two suddenly become three, a couple faces a whole new set of challenges.
Building trust ✓
Trust is often lost after lies, affairs, or other secrets. But trust is the foundation of a relationship.
✓ Getting back together sexually.
The "how" and the "how often" as well as the ability to talk about it well are frequent topics in sex therapy.
✓ Separation yes or no.
Sometimes it is also a matter of finding out how high the commitment really is, or whether a separation might be a better solution.
FAQ's about
CouplesTherapy in Berlin
1. In what languages do you offer couples therapy?
In German and English. In French on request.
2. When is couples therapy or marriage counseling useful?
The answer is quite simple: when you can no longer solve the problems in your relationship on your own. It makes sense to start as early as possible. The longer you struggle with the problems, the lower the chances of success.
3. What are the chances of success in couples therapy?
About 70% of the time, couples therapy improves the relationship significantly.
4. How often do the sessions take place?
Usually every two weeks. Of course, it also depends on the urgency of the issue and the budget. That's why some people come every week or only once a month.
5. How long is a typical session?
A session with me is 60 minutes. If necessary, this can be extended to 90 minutes or even longer, up to a full Power Day! Many other couples therapists do 90-minute sessions. However, I have found that 60 minutes of intense work is sufficient and rewarding enough.
6. How many sessions will it probably take?
As many as it takes in your specific case. Some come only 3-5 times, others come over a longer period of time. It is important to remember that it is crucial to stay on track. Once the issues are resolved, you have to keep working on the relationship. Otherwise, 40% of the 70% will be back where they were a few years later!
7. What methods or approaches do you use in therapy?
I work with Systemic Therapy, Attachment Theory, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, John Gottman, David Schnarch, Esther Perel, Ulrich Clement, Sexocorporel, Polyvagal Theory, NLP, Hypnosis and various other methods. I have developed my own approach from the many different ones I have studied and can draw on many tools depending on the problem.
8. What is the goal of couples therapy?
The primary goal is usually, of course, to improve the relationship. I say "usually" because sometimes the goal is to prepare for separation or to find common ground. Each couple has its own concerns. A list of possible outcomes of couples counseling can be found here.
9. How is confidentiality guaranteed?
We have a treatment contract in which I guarantee you complete confidentiality.
10. Will there be homework or exercises between sessions?
After some sessions you will get specific homework, after others not. However, it will always be about applying what you have learned at home, so you can consider the time between sessions as practice time.
11. Can individual sessions be arranged if needed?
In most cases there are no private sessions. However, if desired or necessary, we are happy to arrange them. But then with both partners. It is not possible for both of you to have individual therapy with me at the same time. This would lead to conflicts of interest.
12. How is the progress of the therapy evaluated?
At the beginning of each new session, you report on your experiences from the time between sessions. We include this in the appointment and correct or build on it.
13. How much does couples therapy cost?
One hour costs 190 €. A session starting at 5:30 or later costs 210 €.
Attachment Theory in CouplesTherapy
Finally, I would like to talk briefly about one of my specialties: attachment theory. It is my focus in social media and is incredibly valuable when working with both individuals and couples. Attachment theory explains dynamics in a relationship in the best possible way. About half of the population is securely attached and the other half is insecurely attached. Insecurely attached means that there is a clear fear of loss or commitment. Often two insecurely attached people get together. One is terribly afraid of loss and therefore very jealous. The other is very conflict-averse, doesn't want to get involved emotionally with the other person on a deeper level, and needs a lot of space for himself, which then fuels the other person's fear of loss even more. A vicious cycle, because this triggered fear of loss then manifests itself in such a way that it causes the person with attachment phobia to flee even more. This is a common relationship dynamic that is difficult to break without knowledge of attachment theory. You can read more about this here.
If you have any questions, please send me an email or book your appointment quickly and easily via Doctolib.
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